I have had this fear ever since I can remember of loosing control by fainting. I think it started when i was really little and my wart was torn off my hand and started bleeding everywhere. After that I fainted after being poked with a stapler in my 7th grade English class and then fainted in my 9th grade PE class after watching a movie on eating disorders and finished the rest of my high school with at least one incident in each grade. I soon became so scarred of fainting that my body started panicking at the sight of blood then at the stories with blood until I can't even think about pain and blood without getting a bit light headed and needing to lay down or leave the room. I have been really nervous about getting pregnant because of the stories I was sure would come. I have avoided talking about being pregnant so I won't find myself in a situation where stories of other's experiences were shared. My philosophy was that if I didn't know about any of it I wouldn't be able to imagine it and make it worse than it really was. These last couple of months I have come to realize that i am completely backwards. It started with a talk at church were we were told that we would be shown our weaknesses and so they could become our strengths. Then in the visiting teaching message this month it talks about being educated and how when we are educated we are filled with light and leave the evil one. It hit hard with me that when I am educated there is no reason to be talked into things or scarred of what i don't understand. I then realized the monster never goes away by me running from it. So now I have decided to turn around and pounce on the monster before it gets me. I have to say it is a lot harder than I thought it would be but I am so excited to one day be able to sit down with friends and hear all their stories without getting squeamish and to be able to help my children when they get cuts or shots or other things and not faint.
So this is how I am doing it... I have rented movies that not only tell about the ordeal of having a baby but shows everything. My new philosophy: if I know all about it then i don't have any excuse to make a big deal of things that aren't a big deal, but are natural and normal. Jason is being the most amazing support, he is so patient and wonderful, I don't know if I could do it without him. It has taken me a week to watch one video because i have to keep turning it off to calm myself but it is getting a little easier.
I know the gospel can help us in any situation we are in. I love my Heavenly Father and I know he loves me!
8 years ago
4 comments:
Well, if you EVER have questions about something, you can ask me. I am always willing to share. Zac is that way, as well as a lot of his family, and I am the complete opposite. I used to hate it when I was younger, and then I learned that it really is just a part of life. And don't worry, they say being a Mom makes you stronger in a lot of ways. But, it is so important to be educated.
Jill,
I'm actually really nervous for my own delivery. But something that might help, in addition to educating yourself, is to not just look at all the stuff you're afraid of. I have really enjoyed the program "hypnobirthing" and although I wasn't as successful with it as it was intended, it really helped me through my first unmedicated delivery.
Good luck!
Jill, I think you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for ;). However, if you ever need someone to watch those videos with or talk to just give me a call "and I'll be there!" ;)
Love ya!
Good for you Jill! I was the same way with the pain that would be associated with the birth. I was so scared. But I decided to face it and watch movies too. I can't believe how wonderful Heavenly Father was for me when the time came. It was such a calming and peaceful experience. You can do it!
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